Ann has experienced her fair share of challenges in life. She scheduled a session with me looking for peace, solace, and understanding. What she came away with was a deeper understanding of unconditional love, and that her soul is eternal — a priceless revelation.
I was once again honored to be the facilitator of such a powerful session, and so grateful Ann was put in my life. She had a similar energy that my Granny had, and being with Ann made me feel like, for a moment, Granny was back with me. Her hug at the end of the session was very special, and, like this session itself, is something I will treasure forever.
I started her out with the cloud visualization, and asked her to let me know what she was experiencing when she got off the cloud.
A: I'm in England.
J: What do you see?
A: My castle. I lived there a long time. It was very regal, but very lonely.
J: Lonely how?
A: I never saw the... person I was married to. He was gone a lot. I spent most of my time alone with the animals and… my piano.
J: Were you a man or a woman?
A: I was the woman.
J: And what did your husband do?
A: He was very wealthy and he was gone on business all the time.
J: Did you have children?
A: No.
J: Did you have any other family?
A: I only remember the house servants. Don't remember friends. Just... Just... The animals. The horses. And the dogs. And a big empty house, with lots of rich things in them, in the rooms. And I was cold in there, and lonely. I experienced a lot of sadness there.
J: There was nothing you could do to change that?
A: No. It was the way it was. I died there. Sad. And lonely.
J: How did you die?
A: It was a quiet death in my bed with people attending me. (getting emotional) I was glad it was over. I see my last breath in this beautiful bed. And I don’t know what happened after that.
J: Would you like to find out?
A: Only if it’s good.
J: We can go someplace good. Just connect with your soul and your soul’s journey. And just experience what happens after you draw your last breath. Any feelings that come up. Any thoughts that come up. Where you go.
A: I was glad to go where I was loved.
J: Where's that?
A: In a different dimension.
J: Are you there now?
A: Yes. There is this huge bright light. And then I took my last breath. I walked through it. (crying)
J: Allow the emotion to move through you. If it gets to be too much, you can always lift up out of your body and observe.
A: (still crying) It was a wonderful place. Because it was total unconditional love. And I wish I could stay there forever.
J: Why can’t you?
A: Because I keep getting sent back.
J: Are you getting sent back or are you choosing to come back.
A: Both.
J: Let’s take a look at why you keep getting sent back. Why would that be?
A: Because in some way, I want everybody to feel what I felt.
J: That unconditional love?
A: Yes.
J: How can you do that?
A: By touching them and being there for them, no matter what.
J: Have you been able to do that?
A: Yes. But in all my lives, I feel I've always been physically alone, but knowing there's more on the other side. But sometimes my physical part takes that over and I… cry. Because I would also like to receive that unconditional love that I try to give away.
J: Why do you feel you can’t receive that unconditional love?
A: I don’t know. I’ve asked to be told that. I have… so many experiences in this life of being rejected. I don’t know where it came from. Ever since I was a little girl. I felt rejected.
J: Would you like to find the source of where that came from?
A: Yes.
J: Go ahead and sink into that feeling and allow yourself to follow it back to its original source. It may be in this lifetime, or it may be in another. Trust that you'll arrive at the correct spot in your soul's journey where this feeling of rejection first took shape. First planted itself into your mind, into your soul. Let me know what you see.
A: I think it started in England, in the castle.
J: Is that why you visited that life when you first arrived?
A: I think so.
J: Go back to the very first time that you felt alone and rejected. What's happening?
A: A feeling of unworthiness to be loved.
J: Why do you believe you aren't worthy of love?
A: Because I can't receive it. It doesn’t come.
J: Nobody’s giving it to you?
A: No. Just the animals.
J: Can you allow yourself to receive the love from the animals?
A: Oh. Absolutely.
J: Take a moment to receive that right now. What does that feel like?
A: It feels like… going home (getting emotional again). Feels like… that love that’s in that bright light.
J: I’d like you to invite that bringt light in with you, along with those animals. And in this moment as you receive that love from that light and the love from those animals, I’d like you to remind yourself that it’s all the same, whether it's coming from a human, or an animal, or a light, it’s love. And you can receive it in all its forms. Do you believe you deserve the love from that light and from those animals?
A: Yes, I do.
J: And if all of that love is connected, does that also mean that you deserve love from humans? A: Yes, I do.
J: And can we take a moment to acknowledge that humans are a little more complex? They have pain, they have suffering, they have moments where they get lost on their journeys, and aren't so good at communicating love. Would you agree with that?
A: Yes.
J: And could you also agree that when those humans have difficulty communicating love, that it's not your fault?
A: Yes, but it's not my responsibility either.
J: It's not. So in this moment, as you surround yourself with that light, love, be with those animals. Remind yourself that you are only responsible for receiving love and knowing that you are worthy of love, and loving yourself. And if other people struggle to show you the love that you’d like to receive, it’s not your fault, and it’s not your responsibility. Just send them your love back. Maybe it’ll help them on your journey. Let this light fill you, replacing that feeling of unworthiness with a feeling of unconditional love in its purest form. Let me know what you’re experiencing in this moment.
A: Anger.
J: Where's the anger coming from?
A: I don't know.
J: Would you like to find out?
A: Yes.
J: Just like you followed this to the source of the grief and rejection that you just felt, follow your soul back to the source of that anger. Allow images to take shape, images to come into your mind, and let me know where you've arrived.
A: Hmm. It’s way back to… a place called Atlantis.
J: What are you experiencing here?
A: That all the responsibilities of keeping my family safe is mine. That's not fair.
J: Why is that not fair?
A: Because I am half of the parent
J: Where’s the other parent?
A: It’s just like in England. Gone. Most of the time.
J: Why do you think you’re in a similar situation?
A: I think I have chosen those places every time I’ve come.
J: And what do they have to teach you?
A: (pause) Self love. I am enough. I can do it, with the help from the other side. Because I know what’s at the end of each journey I’ve came for. What’s waiting there. I know that no matter (gets emotional) what happens to me on my Earthly journeys, the glorious ecstasy that’s on the other side (crying) waiting for me…
J: Can you allow that memory to continue to give you strength?
A: I have to.
J: Are there other ways too that you can find strength and joy while you’re living a physical life?
A: Yes. It’s the animals again. And nature. And the birds. And the sunshine. And the trees. I love the trees. I want to experience created love in nature that will never reject me.
J: Yeah. Are you still in Atlantis?
A: No.
J: Where are you now?
A: I'm on an Indian reservation. I'm not sure if it's Utah, Arizona, alongside of a creek with my horse.
J: And what are you doing here?
A: I think I’m just gathering water to take back into the village, but… (getting emotional) My husband come to help me, and I know who he was in this life. It was my oldest son. I know we traveled together there.
Her son passed away in this lifetime.
J: Would you like to speak to him?
A: (soft crying) Yes.
J: What would you like to say?
A: I talk to him all the time. And he answers me most of the time.
J: What’s he saying now?
A: “Just as I walked down to that creek to help you carry that water, I will help you finish this journey.”
J: How does that feel?
A: Empowering.
J: Yeah.
A: I also remember life on a plantation in South Carolina.
J: What was happening here?
A: I'm the owner. I am a doctor. I'm wealthy. I am in an arranged marriage and don’t have a lot in common with my wife. There is a Negro slave on my plantation who… She takes care of all the slaves through natural medicine, herbs. She teaches me many things I use in my practice. (deep breath). But there's also a relationship between the two of us.
J: How do you feel about that?
A: I'm selfish, I don't care. I see… I see my wife walking around lonely and looking out the windows, just like I felt in England when it happened to me.
J: Do you think maybe this is a karmic cycle?
A: Yes. I do.
J: How do you think you can release this karmic cycle?
A: I don’t know.
J: How are you feeling about it?
A: I want it over because there’s so much pain there.
J: Do you think your wife is feeling that same pain?
A: Of course.
J: Is there a way you can explain it to her? A way to help her ease her pain? Maybe connect with her soul, step out of this lifetime if you like, into an in-between where you can talk to her.
A: I would just apologize to her and tell her I know how she feels because I felt it too.
J: How does she feel about that apology?
A: We've learned our lessons. She’s not angry.
J: Good. Does she forgive you?
A: I hope so.
J: Could you ask her?
A: Am I asking as her doctor-husband?
J: You can if that feels right to you. Whatever brings you peace.
A: I don't think she's forgiven him. Not in an angry way has she not forgiven him, but in a disappointing, empty, unfulfilled way.
J: I would like you to go back to when you realized that you’re not responsible for other people’s happiness. Can you forgive yourself and know that you’re not responsible for her deciding to forgive you or not, or her ability to let this go?
A: I don’t know. I just know from experience that the pain of rejection… is so damaging. (getting emotional again)
J: Yeah. But we can heal it. Would you like to invite the soul of your husband from that time in England to come and talk to you the way you got to talk to the soul of your wife on the plantation?
A: I don’t know. His words never bring me comfort. I don’t know if they would now.
J: Would you like to connect to his higher self? The part of him that isn't’ attached to the uncomfortable parts that you knew in England? The parts of his higher soul that were once a part of that light too. That light of unconditional love where you all came from. Would you like to connect with that?
A: I could try…
J: If it doesn't feel right, you don't have to. Perhaps he'd have something to say, his higher self, that could bring you some kind of comfort, ease that pain, maybe make sense of things so that you can release it.
A: All I can hear him say is, I'm sorry. It's maybe like a vicious circle or karmic thing that just keeps going on and on. For both of us. I don't know how to get out of it.
J: Do you think maybe forgiveness could get you out of it? Now that you both know what it's like to feel this way?
A: I guess.
J: Can you forgive your husband for that feeling of rejection from that life in England?
A: Now I can.
J: What does that feel like?
A: It's irrelevant.
J: How so?
A: From life to life. No matter what happens, I always know, like the song says, “It is well with my soul.” No matter what happened then, South Carolina or in any of my lives… These experiences can't touch my soul.
J: Yeah.
A: (in a peaceful voice) But I don't think I knew that… until now.
J: That’s okay. Sometimes that pain is too hard to see through. But you can see now. Go ahead and let that sink in. Let me know what else comes up.
A: I want to know something about this life.
J: What’s that?
A: Growing up, my father was mentally ill, and would have to go away to [a different town] many times. He'd come back and he'd be okay for a while, for years, and then he'd have to go again. I never felt much affection from him or never heard him say I love you. And I had an older brother, 11 years older than I am, and I found no comfort there, or caring. And prior to my marriage I had a serious relationship and it’s really strange because the first time I met him… And he walked me to my home… I watched him go down the road and I cried and I cried because I felt I knew he would also abandon me. And then when I got married, I married wrong. And because I was abandoned there. And my two sons left me… (soft crying).
J: Did they leave you on purpose?
A: It was their time to die.
J: Yeah. They didn't leave you on purpose. There was no abandonment there.
A: But I felt that. It's like every male person in this journey that I ever needed wasn’t there.
J: Why do you think that is?
A: I don't know, I thought it was karma. Maybe.
J: Do you believe it’s karma?
A: It’s… maybe. I don’t know.
J: Would you like to know?
A: Yeah, I would. I'd like to know why. Why, why … why this journey…
I invited her to reflect on the awareness she just gained, that her soul cannot be touched, and to allow that feeling to calm and comfort her. I then invited the answers to come to her, whether from her subconscious mind, her higher self, or her angels or guides.
A: (deep breath) I’ve heard numerous times that this will be my last incarnation. And it will be probably my hardest.
J: Why is that?
A: To appreciate the perfect love of the Creator of the Universe. And to look forward to all that awaits me to see that this is a blink of an eye. That eternity just waits for me. And I'm starting to see that. But it's been hard. The Dark Night of the Soul is not fun.
J: No, it’s not.
A: (softly) But it's worth it.
J: Yeah.
It was difficult for me to not get too emotional with her at this point. What a beautiful revelation. I remembered my own experience, when I realized my Dark Night of the Soul was worth it, and I could see all the amazing things that came from it. “Honored” doesn’t come close to describing how I felt being with her as she had these realizations herself.
J: How do you feel about the person you've become because of it?
A: It's the best I can be. And it's not me—it's the all-encompassing spirit of the living perfection in the Universe. There is no praise here for any of us if we know that. It all goes back to the glorious, beautiful Creator of all things. And I do so look forward to that.
At this point I felt as though I had entered into the temple of a wise master. She was, I believe, truly connected to the Divine.
J: Until that time comes, can you enjoy, and find that beauty in your present life for the remainder of your time here?
A: It’ll be very easy. All I have to do is hear a bird sing. Or smell a flower. Or see a little child smile. See the sunset and a full moon come up. And I know what's waiting. I know. (whispers) I know.
J: Is it waiting or is it here now already?
A: It's with me, it's inside of me.
J: Yeah. You don't have to wait for it.
A: No. But it'll be so exciting to… (pause)
J: To experience it without a human body?
A: Yeah. I'm looking forward to many reunions. But… I don’t know how to explain it. I want to know the creation of deep, deep love. I want to feel that. I once saw Jesus. (soft crying) He came out of the sky to my backyard. And I went running out the door to him. And he raised his hands and said, “No no no, not yet.” But I cannot explain what being in his presence was like. And it was only for an instant, but I felt unburdened. And ecstatically joyful, and totally loved. You can’t explain it in words.
J: Kind of like that light?
A: (whispers) Yeah. It’s… magnificent. It’s… There are no words for me to say.
J: But you got to feel it.
A: I felt it for an instant, and he left.
J: Why do you think that happened?
A: I don't know. I've had numerous encounters with him, but none like that. None like that. It’s… I don’t know… there’s just some things in different dimensions we can’t fully describe in this world.
J: I guess that’s part of being human.
A: Yeah.
J: Did your question get answered or is there more information you’d like to get? Understanding things that have happened to you in this life?
A: Perhaps I know the answers. I don’t understand all this rejection that’s gone on forever. I don’t know where that came from. It’s just… I don’t know.
J: What do you understand now?
A: That I will finish this journey knowing that I will live forever.
J: (softly) Yeah.
A: And I also understand that there are different kinds of love. And the love I get from an animal, or a rose, or a bird, or the setting sun and the rising moon, will get me through. It’s like, I don’t know if Buddha said it or who, but it’s like stepping on a violet and it still gives you its final fragrance. I think that's what we're all here to learn. That no matter what happens, we'll be wrapped up in that final fragrance and taken home. To unconditional love. (reflective pause) Yeah, I feel better.
J: Good.
A: I… Yeah. No matter what. I’ll still smell the fragrance of that violet forever. (pause) I don’t know if it’s age or just spiritual maturity, but I don’t live in this earthly realm much anymore.
J: That’s probably not a bad thing. And yet you're still here on this earthly realm.
A: That's right. But like I said, I know it is well with my soul.
J: So what are some things you can do while you're here on this earthly realm before it's time to return to that beautiful unconditional love and reunion?
A: I play organ, which is one of the most precious gifts I was given. (begins crying softly) My mom gave me piano lessons when I was young and I had very important, wonderful teachers from my life to take me further. But of all the compliments I ever got in this world about anything was given to me by an older man in one of the churches I played at. (crying) He came up to me after the service. And he was crying. And he said, “When you play, I feel Jesus.” And… That’s the way I want people to remember me.
J: It seems as though you fulfilled part of that purpose that you mentioned at the beginning of this session, wanting to share that unconditional love to help other people feel that. Sounds like you did that.
A: Yeah, it happened again last night in church. A lady came and she was crying. She said, “I really felt the presence of Jesus in your music tonight.” And I’m no concert organist. I don’t know that much.
J: You don’t need to be. That energy moves through you.
A: I know when He’s playing that organ and not me.
J: Or perhaps you’re playing together.
A: (soft chuckle) I do so love Him.
J: How cool is it that you're sharing that love with others?
A: Yeah. It's the best gift I could ever have gotten to do this journey with. And like I said, I am not a trained, graduated master of the organ. But, sometimes the master comes through.
J: But do you have to be a trained, graduated master?
A: No.
J: All you need is that love.
A: All I need is His love. And a willing heart to share it.
J: Do you think maybe that’s what he was trying to tell you when he visited you in the backyard? But he said no not yet? You still have that love to share here, while you're here.
A: Yeah.
J: Is there anywhere else you’d like to go, or anyone else you’d like to see, or anything else you’d like to know? You can go anywhere you want.
A: Can I go… (pause) I don't know if I want to…
J: Why not?
A: I want to know… (cries softly) Okay. I want to know what my son felt when he died.
J: Would you like to ask him?
A: I don’t know if he’ll tell me.
J: Would you like to try?
A: I don't know. All I hear is “It doesn't matter, Mom. It doesn't matter.”
J: Do you believe him?
A: Yeah.
J: Why doesn't it matter?
A: Because it was time. It was… it was time for the end of his journey. (pause) I saw a medium in Arizona. In Sedona. She told me when he came through that all four of his grandparents came and took him out before his actual body died. He felt no pain. It was time. And somehow I knew that because when they finally brought his body out, he hadn’t tried to claw his way out. There was no active bleeding on his body at all. I just miss him. He made this life so much easier.
J: Was he the one on the Indian reservation helping you with the water?
A: Yeah.
J: So remember what he said, that he’s still here helping you.
A: Yes. I know. I talk to him and he answers me. I know I get visits from him. My dogs, they stare at the front door and I feel who it is. I just, it's hard to say goodbye to something you gave birth to, when you think about it physically.
J: That is hard. But all is well with your soul.
A: Yes.
J: And his too.
A: Yeah. It is.
J: And he's in that light waiting for you. Getting to enjoy that. Already there and you're so looking forward to it. Lucky him.
A: I was in deep meditation, walking through the woods. It was dark and I came out and there was a walking bridge, an arc-like bridge, and I walked across that bridge. And… I can't explain it. It was like a huge expanse of earth, the most beautiful earth you could ever see. And when I stepped off that bridge, my sons were waiting. And every pet I ever owned in my life was there. Waiting for me. It was so peaceful and glorious. You could smell the flowers. I keep that thought often.
J: Sounds like you've got a lot of tools to help keep your strength as you journey forward.
A: Oh, I'll finish. Especially since I have awakened, I will finish gloriously.
J: Yes, you will. (pause) Anything else you'd like to see or explore or know?
A: You know, I have many tools that’s been given to me. And I need to… I don’t know what the word is. Improve them, or use them. I do some automatic writing and I've channeled before and I need to do it more.
J: Why do you need to do it more?
A: I find peace there. And I find wisdom like I’ve never known before. Maybe I can share some of that.
J: Yeah. Just know that if there’s ever a time that you’re not feeling peace, or you’re needing comfort or wisdom, that you can always turn to that tool. And all the tools and the wisdom you gained from this session, you’ll take with you, and it’ll be with you throughout the rest of your journey. All the peace and unconditional love. (pause) How are you feeling?
A: A little lighter. I think I took, or held inside of me, all the rejections and all my lives as something very personal.
J: Do you see that that's unnecessary now?
A: Yeah.
J: Good. Can you forgive everyone that's ever hurt you or rejected you?
A: I have.
J: Good. And can you forgive yourself for ever hanging on to that rejection.
A: I hope to.
J: You can.
A: I can.
J: And you'll continue to feel that more and more each day as you journey forward. (pause) Are you ready to come back?
A: Okay.
So many emotions came up for not only her but myself too. I found this session to possibly be just as inspiring, enlightening, and comforting as it was for her, and I’m so grateful for that.
One thing that really struck me was her merging and union of her faith in Jesus to her understanding of the metaphysical. We shared similar feelings about church — that it doesn’t answer our questions of this complex and magical Universe. I stopped going to church for this and many other reasons, but she continues to go, enjoying that closeness to Jesus that she’s come to find in her own way. And that is exactly what spirituality is and should be: a personal relationship with your understanding of The Divine, however that may be. Ann understood that there are many dimensions to our reality, and many cosmic forces at play that we can’t even begin to comprehend, and at the same time she understood Jesus and Christ Consciousness on a deeper level than what is taught in conventional churches. It was apparent in the fact that she connects with Christ’s love in her music, and she also taps into metaphysical tools like channeling and automatic writing. If only more people understood this.
It was heartbreaking to hear of her struggles with feeling loved in this and many other lifetimes, because she deserves the highest love that can be experienced. But like she said, she’s meant to experience the perfect love of the Creator of the Universe. I’m a firm believer that contrast is one of the best teachers: we have to know the darkness to appreciate the light. She definitely experienced darkness in this lifetime, but I believe that makes her light that much brighter.
Ann is a beautiful soul, and I hope she knows how much love I feel for her, and how grateful I am that she imparted her wisdom with me in this session.